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Old 03-17-2011, 06:49 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
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thanks LR...

I'm feeling kinda useless on here right now... I think I shall resort to blog writing more often... I love that after two years this April I have noticed the ebb and flow of this forum... it goes through most definite stages and flavours. Interesting. Every now and then I am not useful and I take that as a sign that I can have a break. This is one of those times I think.

Mono is back, PN is vacant and unavailable for anything other than hugs and reassurance, LB is cranky and selfish right now... he's a kid, this is expected on March break and when there is upset in the family. I am getting irritable with the whole situation. Selfishly so also and acting like LB sometimes in my crankiness. Sigh...

I had a good cry on Mono yesterday. This helped a lot. His talking about his bike is helping a lot. His ability to not take on other peoples emotions is helping a lot... I take them on quickly and find it hard to separate myself... his ability to relax is helping me a lot. I am so grateful to him for being in my life. If it were just PN and I bumbling along I really don't think I could stay in this. There is no way, at this point I could stay with either of them in a monogamous relationship... not that anyone is asking me too, just that I am keenly aware of that these days.
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