Well, having had some time to not see him, I've been doing a little better. I wouldn't say I'm doing well but I'm trying to be realistic in my perception of him and his actions. Looking back, when the relationship started, I'd never really been in one before, I had no experience with any kind of non-monogamy and I'd just left/been abandoned by my church 'family'. I was in a very vulnerable spot with little experience by which to judge whether or not getting into the relationship was wise.
Knowing what I know now, I'm not sure that I would have decided to get involved. I don't think he and his wife were ready and they still aren't. He apparently can't actually accept the risk of an alternative lifestyle. I question whether she was ever fully comfortable with any of it. Or perhaps she was ok with him having a make-out buddy but nothing more. And the two of them have some major communication issues. I don't think they were ever really willing to do the work to be poly. When it started, I didn't have the ability to ask the right questions or see through the bullshit. Now when I look at the situation, it seems really obvious that they weren't on the same page with each other or me.
I hate that I may never be able to have a friendship with him again. And tomorrow night is the knitting group and I wish I could go but I'm pretty sure that A will be there. I'm not sure that I'm ready to handle that. I don't think I'd have much fun. And there's a martial arts test on saturday that one of my friends is doing and has begged me to come. I want to be there to support him but I know I'll see O. And I wish I didn't have to. On the bright side, this friend is having a St. Patty's Day party tonight and was kind enough not to invite O (he's the only one of our training friends that knows). I never asked him to do it but I do appreciate that he was considerate to make an event that I could feel comfortable attending.