in an open V - hasn't been easy
Im new to the poly way of living or at least new to realizing that I am not capable of ethical monogamy in the long haul so here I am.
Im in my first relationship where I identified myself as poly to the other person and at first she was worried and im sure at times still is but we are working on it. We have been together for a little over a year. We will call her K.
I am basically a poly mono at the time as I only have one mate. She is bi and recently through a poly meetup she met someone who we will calll ' A' that she liked and the feeling was mutual. A pretty much identifies as lesbian and they have been dating for a few weeks now.
It's been rough for me at times. Ive been the one who was all for it and told her that its ok and I wont get jealous and im so happy for her. Well I am very happy for her and I like 'A" ALOT but yeah I get a little hurt and jealous and selfish from time to time and sometimes feel myself wanting to keep K for myself.
Also the whole fact that she is lesbian has been a little bit of a strain for me. See when A drinks she can become a little freer with her sexuality, she still doesnt find men sexually attractive but it doesnt bother her to be around a man naked and some touching etc going on. Yes it has lead to a couple threesomes with the 3 of us. They have been very awkward for me to say the least. Not to mention that she's Dom as am I and K is very submissive. So it has lead to some unwanted power play issues in the bedroom. Nothing severe but enough to bother me.
Ive talked to both of them about it and I guess it will be put upon me to say no more threesomes with them but then I feel it takes away from some intimate time that K and I share.
So yeah my head and my heart are doing flip flops right now. Is this normal and will things settle down once K and A's NRE settles down ?
Like I said its all new and very confusing/ frustrating at times. I love K and I like A as I said ( she is a sweetheart and is becoming a good friend) so its not about that.
HELP or thoughts ?!