It's too bad with this most recent guy. We had only met about a week ago and are getting along really well. I admired his passion and his artistic talents. He made me laugh. The flirting and sexual tension was fun. But he confronted me yesterday asking where this was going, he wanted to take it further, asked why is it that my husband doesn't mind he and I chatting and flirting, why isn't he jealous, what's in it for my husband, etc. He thought (and was hoping I think) that he and I had an open marriage. I ended up telling him about what my husband and I had been through with poly, and how we are not participating in poly right now because of issues that arose. I said that even though I may be attracted to him, I would not cheat on my husband. And even if we were practicing poly, that he would not be someone I could date because he would be hiding his relationship with me from his wife.
He understood this, and admitted that the cheating life was not an easy one, that the guilt sucks, its like a drug and it tends to happen again and again, and that he would not want me to do it to my husband because I should not have to feel the guilt either. Well, I take everything that any man in the heat of infatuation says with a grain of salt. They are clouded during that time, and their sex drive often causes them to bend the truth or say things to impress their conquest.
I would like to continue a friendship with him. I am not sure if it will continue or not, so far it seems ok. There is still some flirting. I am hoping that when the infatuation cools off we can still be friends. We'll see.
The parallels between this guy and the one from before is kind of uncanny. What is it that draws this type of man to me? Those that are married and want to cheat. And why do I seem to enjoy their attention, despite the pain? Why would I think they would ever be honest with me about anything, and even be a good friend to me, if they are willing to lie and cheat on their soul mate and primary partner? One big difference though from this new guy and the other is that at least he is willing to introduce me to his wife, even if he would not share with her his sexual attraction to me or that we chat daily.
But this recent experience brought back a lot of strong emotions in me again. Fears, anxieties, insecurities. Memories of what Rob and I went through in the Fall. I never felt so scared and alone as I did when he and I were going through that tough time. I don't want Rob and I to go through that ever again.
Last edited by RitaFire; 03-15-2011 at 06:17 PM.