Born to poly or evolved?
My partners (Sea and tommyc) had a discussion this weekend. Are you born poly or do you evolve to it? Whether born or evolved you still make the choice to live the way you do.
I have to admit the discussion came about because I was feeling guilty. Tommyc was born poly. Sea evolved to poly, and I'm mono. Tommyc has loved women in all shapes and sizes since he was 6 years old. I've seen him look at women with interest and not had a clue as why he would be interested. Because Sea has shared her home, children, and thank the gods her husband, with me, she is poly by definition. I'm just plain mono.
I love tommyc deeply, and if I want to be a part of his life, and I do, then poly it is. I love Sea. She is my best friend. She is loving and generous, she gives the whole of herself, even when it's hard for her. She shares all my thoughts and secrets. We love, laugh, argue and sit in comfortable silence.
Here is where the guilt comes in. I've always known that my partners are poly. If Sea were to find another partner, I would have absolutely no problem with it, as long as he makes her happy. It would just be a second V. If tommyc were to bring another woman into our relationship I would lose my frigging mind. I can share tommyc with Sea, I can't share him with someone else. As far as I'm concerned it's not a closed door, it's a brick wall.
I've talked to tommyc about it. Because I feel guilty. He has said he has no interest in anyone but Sea and myself. He is perfectly happy with the two of us. But by bricking up the wall am I taking something away from him? Poly is supposed to be about being open to new relationships, and I was open to this relationship, but not open to sharing him with another, other then Sea.
A footnote here: Sea and I have laughed our asses off because we know damn well that there is no way in hell we could ever except another woman. Whatever differences we may have at the time, we would band together to run her out. Our poor tommyc doesn't stand a chance. I knew he was poly, I just didn't realize I was mono in a poly relationship.
So I guess what I'm asking is if tommyc is okay with what we share, and Sea is okay with what we share, and I'm okay with what we share, why am I feeling guilty?