Originally Posted by PLove
On one level, I shouldn't have any complaints because he's really being good about it, especially when I look at what some other people have had to deal with. But at the same time, it IS a struggle to see your partner having these feelings for another person, especially when you're struggling to build your own relationship with them and aren't totally sure where it's going.
He could be doing everything perfectly, and you would still be entitled to feel however you want. He can help mitigate your feelings to some extent, but ultimately, you will work through them and process at your own speed. He is there to support you. Don't either of you be discouraged by what you're feeling; it's taken a lifetime to program your brain in a mono way, so it'll take a bit of work to shift those views.
Your feelings are not neccessairly a reflection of the quality of work that's going into your life right now. Allow yourself the full range of emotions this situation will bring up and use those emotions as tools. Look at your reactions and break them down to determine whether or not there's more work to be done by one or all of you. For example, jealousy can be broken down into several causes - lack of trust, fear of abandonment, etc. Figure out why you're feeling what you are and then work on the core issues.
And yes, you may very well have it easier than some folks, but that in no way diminishes or discounts your experience, your fears, and all that jazz. We only live through our life.
I'm a pansexual female, married to and living with Indigo
(straight male), in a relationship with and living with Mr. A (straight, mono male).
One day I might stop "practicing" polyamory and just start living it!
Here Be Dragons
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone
Nobody gets a toaster oven for recruiting monos.