Sometimes I just need somewhere to vent and navel-gaze and post self-indulgent musings and whinging that don't necessarily deserve responses and certainly not their own thread.
So I have this weird thing about what I'll call "other people cooties". It's probably best described as my aversion to residual energy from people who have invaded my space. I often find it hard to reclaim physical space or objects that have been tainted with other people cooties because I don't want to go near it to infuse it with my energy or new memories. For example, the building management where I used to live decided that everyone was getting new toilets so I had to let the plumbing contractors into my bathroom. They came early in the morning just after I'd had about a pot of coffee. They left about an hour later. In spite of the pot of coffee I couldn't use my bathroom until late that evening and I still really didn't want to go in there but nature just couldn't wait any longer.
Sometimes when C comes back from being with someone else I get the other people cooties feeling and I don't want to touch him. Sometimes it takes a shower and a full 24 hours before I want to be near him again. My couch is contaminated with other people cooties now and has been for about three weeks. I have no idea how that's going to go away because I can't even think about sitting on it myself. Yeah, I might be a little neurotic.
I worry that once I move out C isn't going to see me. We'll be living about an hour apart and when he moves he'll be somewhere close to Misty. He's specifically choosing a place based on proximity to her, it just happens to be close to where he works. He's also going to have to get a second job and it will probably not be regular office hours like mine so when I'm off on weekends he'll likely be busy. I have serious doubts that he'd want to make the effort to go so far out of his way to see me. I'm starting to think that I'm just kidding myself by thinking we'll have anything more than an occasional friends with benefits arrangement.
I emailed Misty yesterday and she told C she'd received it but haven't heard back from her yet. Last night when he got home from being with her she texted to say something about C's being more available not coming soon enough. C said she didn't mean it the way I interpreted it but I got the impression she's eager for me to move out so she can come over to spend the night. They can't spend the night where she lives and even if I was okay with her sleeping in my bed (I'm not - see other people cooties above) I'd have nowhere else to go so they can be alone. Not that I want to give up a single night with C, but I'm just so sick of feeling like I'm in the way I suggested he take her somewhere for a weekend and get a cabin or a hotel. It's not that I'm that generous or selfless but it might alleviate some of my anxiety about being the obstacle and I'd at least feel like contributed all I could. C didn't take me up on it saying he knew I was offering more than I could deal with. He's a good guy sometimes.