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Old 03-15-2011, 11:04 AM
PLove PLove is offline
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 15
Default Need Advice on Dealing with Jealousy/Mistrust

My husband and I are just beginning to form a triad with another woman and I'm looking for some advice on how to deal with some of my feelings of jealousy and mistrust. This is our first venture into polyamory and I suspect that part of my problem is because of how the relationship started--my husband was sneaking around with this woman off and on for the past year and had fallen in love with her. I met with her to discuss the situation and we found that there was an attraction between the two of us, as well, so we've been pursuing the whole triad idea.

This past weekend, we were together for the first time sexually, all three of us, and it was without a doubt, the hottest, most erotic experience of my life. There was also an incredible energy/connection between us that showed me the possibilities of this kind of relationship.

At the same time, I find that I'm fighting feelings of fear and worry that because they already had an established relationship and I'm entering it late in the game that they are really just wanting to do their own thing without me. Both my husband and the other woman are assuring me that this is not the case and during our lovemaking, were wonderfully sensitive to how I might be feeling about the whole situation. But because of how the relationship started, I'm having problems completely ridding myself of the negative thoughts. I can't help feeling that if my husband and I had found and pursued her together, rather than me being brought into the relationship later, things would be different in terms of my feelings. But it is what it is and I'm trying to find ways to focus on the positive and not go down the jealousy/mistrust road. I'm also trying to remind myself that I should cut myself some slack--in the last 4 weeks, after a lifetime of monogamy, I've moved from finding out that my husband had an affair with another woman to pursuing a triad with her. That seems pretty good to me.

I'd love advice on how others who have entered into polyamory this way might have dealt with their feelings. Is this a pretty normal reaction to starting this way? How do you move out of these feelings into something more positive?
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