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Old 03-15-2011, 10:37 AM
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Hades36 Hades36 is offline
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Welcome to the board, JuicyLish.

You know, I was reading your intro post and thought it sounds like you're just doing what a lot of women I've come in contact with are doing, and that's sort of playing the field the way guys do. I don't mean this in a bad way at all, mind you. But having multiple guys who you're involved with and telling them all the truth is, if nothing else, a better model than dating all of them in secret and then having to deal with the "Who-the-fuck-are-you-and-why-did-you-just-kiss-my-woman?!" scene that would eventually play out in some really embarrassing and public place.

Granted, living in a Patriarchy means that women are demonized for having multiple partners, called sluts, etc. because it challenges the idea that female sexuality should be controlled and owned by a single person and that only men...ahem...ok, let me get off my soapbox. Sorry. You asked for advice so here goes...

Take what you need. Give what you can. Be honest, especially with yourself. For me and because of my worldviews, energy is a big thing: where its coming in, what kind of energy it is, how I'm spending it, where I'm getting drained or refilled, etc. Having multiple partners for me has never been attractive or necessary - the triad my wife and I seem to be developing is like a nuclear generator of energy and possibilities so I couldn't imagine adding a single other soul (except maybe a cat). But I get what you're saying about having multiple partners, being judged, etc.

Thing is, people will say to a guy, "Yeah! Awesome!" if he says that he has a number of women in his life. Patriarchy and all that, right? Means you say the same thing and people think, "Poor girl, she is just confused, looking for Mr. Right, had a bad relationship with her Dad, is acting out, etc." So while I would be a Testosterone Avenger for having several women in my life, you are seen as a victim. Sad, right? Unfair, I agree.

Okay, where was I?

Right, advice. So, sounds like you're moving in a healthy direction. Open with others, honest, keeping it 100 with everyone. That's great. Entropy always sets in, you know, many become a few become two becomes one...then you start all over again.

Question or two for you? Are you sexually active with everyone? Are you in love with any of them? Most important question: What do you want out of all this?

Guys are funny. I've never had a problem seeing women who had multiple partners as long as they followed a few simple rules for me: First, our time is our time, don't call, text, talk about the other guys while we are together unless I seem open to it - its damn inconsiderate for a woman to spend an hour talking about her date with the Other Guy(s) while I'm trying to impress/please/seduce her on the date that we're already on! Second, don't sleep with me if you just had sex with one of the Other Guys and still have traces of them on your mouth, body, fingers, etc. Again, just rude. Last, just be honest with me and let me know where I stand and accept that if you're seeing Other Guys then I am definitely going to be seeing other women and not taking our relationship too seriously for fear of getting my heart broken.

Now, granted, I say all that but I've only ever been in those sorts of relationships when I was much younger, like in my 20's. But, it worked out well, as well as it could. Ideally I guess that's the advice I would give you. Not much to go on but, well...

Anyways. Welcome to the board!
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