Originally Posted by Eloise
And when I heard this, I felt as if I had been rejected. And excluded. And even though it hadn't been planned, I felt like the second place loser, the second choice. The leftover.
Couldn't it be the reason? Did they go there without the intention to engage anyone, and yet did and told you after the fact?
I would feel terrible if that happened to me. The first rule with my boyfriend is to keep each other informed before anything happens, as soon as possible. Even just a text as you meet someone.
If they told you after the fact, it would make sense to feel like they don't care about your opinion since they made the decision without telling you about it until after the fact.
But maybe they don't realise you feel this way. I would suggest talking about your boundaries. There is nothing you can do about the past, but you can let them know that in the future, you would like to be told beforehand if something is going to happen, and that being told afterwards made you feel like you were an afterthought or something.
Or is it something different? Maybe you feel bad because they were with someone without you? Would it matter if you had known beforehand? Would it have changed anything?
Whatever it is that upset you, it's a good idea to figure it out and let them know. They can't guess what pushes your buttons, after all, maybe they work differently.