We have only been in our relationship as a V for three years, and the youngest of our children is now 21. So we weren't together when they are teenagers.
I can tell you that my daughter had a baby 2 years ago, and I wouldn't have made it through the delivery if Sea hadn't been with me. From the second our granddaughter was born, Sea and Tommyc have been just as much her grandparent as I am. She calls them amma and papa, just as she calls me amma. Papa has looked after her while both amma's have been at work. If our Gracie can't be with me, then she'll be with amma Sea or papa.
Is it hard to the single. Sometimes. I've sat in the front row when their oldest daughter got married a month ago, but have never been invited to her new husbands birthday party and there have been a few since we have been together. But I also realize that's not about me, that's about their daughters comfort level.
I've had one of their sons completely ignore me. I didn't take it personally. He's the oldest of the children, and doesn't live around us. But with time he has asked my opinion, and respects that I am a part of not only their lives, but his as well. I've spent many hours with another of their children listening to his woes, and telling him he's a dumbass. The same child challenged me just before the wedding because he was trying to make a point to his older brother. His parents remained silent and allowed me to deal with it, because they know I love him, but he owes me his respect. I have never disrespected any of our children, and will not allow disrespect for me or his parents.
I've also seen Sea tell my daughter that she was wrong speaking to me the way she has. I have asked Tommyc to talk to my daughter when she wouldn't listen to me, and knew she would listen to him.
It hasn't been easy. But love is love. Our children know love when they see it, and it doesn't matter where it comes from, as long as it's there.
I feel blessed to be the other mother for Sea and Tommyc's children, and I know that my children love them as their parents. I have often heard our children refer to me or Sea as the other mother.
There will be other children born, and more marriages to come. We will be there together trying to figure it out. I don't think any of us believe's it will be easy, but we know it's where we want to be.