I am in a similar position. Marriage of over ten years ended, decided to embrace polyamory (once I could stop sobbing), and now single, or "solo poly," and trying to cultivate multiple relationships all at the same time.
After a long period of no sex in my marriage, I really needed the physical affection and pursued that. I've always been okay with casual liaisons, and fancy myself a bit of a modern version of a temple prostitute (see this thread: I long for the days when sex was so sacred...
), but in today's world with so many people who have fucked-up attitudes and guilt over sex, I see the need (as you did) to be careful in what I "give away" and how it affects me. Yes, having only casual entanglements can sometimes feel like a compulsion, especially if you have several liaisons back-to-back or even in the same day. But I think that comes more from outside judgments than from within myself. However, I do sense those judgments and am impacted by them.
It is challenging because while I have realized there are plenty of guys who are willing to have casual fuck-buddy type things, I'm not meeting many who want a serious, committed, and poly
arrangement. And since I'm ultimately alone, on my own, and don't have a steady, primary relationship to fall back on, as many others in open or poly relationships do, this solo lifestyle has its own set of considerations and challenges. Some days, it's my loneliness that gets to me, and other days, it's my horniness!
My blog is here: Indie... Solo... Poly...
I also started a thread while back for single/solo peeps, would love for you to contribute. It's been a few months since anyone has added and stayed on topic: Solo poly people - what's your ideal?