Originally Posted by Daylily
Their relationship has a very long, strong history and it was never my intention, nor his, for me to come between them. I am realistically, in no way, a threat to her or their relationship, but I think she feels, on some level, that I am. I have been told she is extremely stubborn as well which makes discussions difficult. Is there anything more he or I can do or say to get her to acknowledge that there is a problem and to realize she has to at least try to work this out? How can we make her understand that just because she ignores it or makes rules to try to avoid the feelings, they are not going to go away, but rather cause more resentment and problems for everyone?
It may not necessarily be the case that she sees you as a threat to their relationship. I know for myself I don't see C's other interest as a threat to the feelings he has for me and I don't believe he'd leave me to run off with someone else but what does change, and what can take some getting used to, is how a new person affects the time and energy available to the established person or people.
It's a hard adjustment for some people and she may be moving a lot slower than you'd like but if she's stubborn like you say pushing her is probably not the best approach. It sounds like she wants to have something she feels like she can control and this is the hill she's chosen to take a stand on. Maybe sleeping with her husband, or being able to wake up with him gives her the comfort and security and sense of control she needs right now.
She may come around eventually and loosen her grip on that if she knows you care about her and are interested in working towards what is good for the whole of the relationship.