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Old 03-14-2011, 03:43 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,584

I concur with the others that overnights with a new sweetie are a big step, and can be a challenge to the primary. I've felt this myself and it took some time to come to terms with my feelings of overnights.


Originally Posted by Daylily View Post
...They have had a good bit of discussion about her feelings and he knows she is not being very open about a lot of this. I understand that this happened quickly and she never expected it to get as serious as it did, especially not so fast,
That's what NRE will do. Things do seem to move so quickly when you really click with a new person. It can feel quite challenging and even threatening to the primary.

...and she has problems with it, but how can we address the problems if she will not even try to get a handle on exactly what she is feeling. I don't think I should have to deal with erroneous limits without some kind of rational explanation, or at least the assurance that she will acknowledge and work to identify her feelings and try to deal with them.
Her limits might not be "erroneus," and she can only come to terms with her husband's new relationship and desire for its deepening, in her own time, according to her own comfort. I understand your eagerness for her to deal with this more quickly.

I am realistically, in no way, a threat to her or their relationship, but I think she feels, on some level, that I am. I have been told she is extremely stubborn as well which makes discussions difficult. Is there anything more he or I can do or say to get her to acknowledge that there is a problem and to realize she has to at least try to work this out? How can we make her understand that just because she ignores it or makes rules to try to avoid the feelings, they are not going to go away, but rather cause more resentment and problems for everyone?

I must also add that she is comfortable with the things we do when alone and we do not overstep any boundaries in that regard. In fact she is fine with us getting a hotel room and staying as late as 3am, but not a second longer, which is also hard for me to comprehend. We are also not asking for much, ideally 2 nights a month, but I would take about anything I could get right now. I also need to know if these things should be discussed just by the two of them alone or should I have some part in it as well.

Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62), dating... again!
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my darling nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
Kahlo (my ex, 46)
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