Thread: confused
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Old 03-14-2011, 06:29 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by curiouslez View Post
I'm constantly double checking myself to make sure I'm not making a mistake so I talked to be old therapist recently and she says:

-That I'm lying to myself.
About what? That it's what you want? That it can work? That you feel a certain way toward someone? How vague and yet such a scary pronouncement to make without being specific.

-That no long-term swinger/open/poly relationships has lasted because of jealousy.
I call bullshit.

I personally have a new friend who has been poly for over twenty years, and his dedication and devotion to his primary relationship is unwavering. He has several other sweeties and started to court me, and it is always clear that poly has been successful for him, LONG-TERM.

-Swinger/open/poly relationships don't have that full commitment/trust that human beings need.
And monogamous relationships always do????

Bullshit again.

-That because this girl I am with has had a bad childhood that THAT is why she needs multiple relationships, to get that fulfillment of constant love and affection from many people.
So your old therapist is analyzing someone she's never met? How utterly arrogant! And unprofessional! She is drawing conclusions based on what you tell her? My therapist doesn't attempt to tell me what makes the people who are close to me in my life tick - she's only hearing my side of the story so she focuses on me. And that is how it should be.

This woman has stepped over the line, in my opinion! Seems to me she's a FORMER therapist for good reason. Ick. Don't believe her. She is biased and opinionated and unprofessional in telling you what she did.

You are better off talking to your current therapist who understands poly and knows what she's talking about. Also come here and ask questions, read the boards, or get involved in local poly activities or groups near you.

How do I know I am poly for the *right* reasons?
Personally, I don't see people as poly; I see relationships as poly and we choose what kind of relationships to be in. It can work just like any other relationship works, provided you put in the necessary effort to make it work. It's about people, after all. If you can maintain several platonic friendships in your life, why wouldn't you be able to maintain several intimate, romantic relationships in your life?

You may want to visit some of the links listed here, too:
Online Poly Resources

The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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