Today has been kind of off and on for me. I've been having a hard time with not spending time with Jen, be it errands or naps or what not, but at least I know why I am feeling the way I am. I am feeling pretty empowered as far as the codependancy thing. While it still draws a lot of power from me, I know where it is coming from, and where it's going, so at least I understand.
I'm feeling more okay with Jen doing derby, and more okay with J being in the picture. I wish he'd be better with his communication, but to each their own right? I'm going to have a good talking with him tomorrow night, and see what happens.
It was kind a rough day for me, but it was a day I was able to deal with. The understanding helps a megaton, and allows me to be able to accept and cope with why I feel the way I do. It's going to take a lot of time, but I really feel like I'm on the path to healing right now. I'm not quite sure how all the poly stuff is going to end up. Not quite sure if I'll ever truly be okay with sex.. But for now, I'm in a good place.
I've also finally started to realize that Jen hasn't changed. My image of her has, but she has remained the same person. What I thought I needed of her has changed, but again, she is the same person. So I'm growing into another spot, another place in which I can be her rock. Because that's what I am. I'm a stable person, and the most important person to Jen. That's all I can ever be, no matter who comes and goes. I will always be there.