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Old 03-14-2011, 05:42 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,705

Sage, I feel for you. I used to come home from weekends with Mono like that. Doesn't happen now we all live together, but I remember PN talking about the same thing. I didn't want to be touched, was testy, needed space and time alone and he and LB would be clammering for my attention and love. I struggled to give it too them until we decided that it would be better if I had time to come down and transition from one life to another...

It was about the transition. Kids usually have this when they are picked up from school and are grumpy until they get home and get into home stuff. It's the same with adults. For adults its that feeling we get when we have been on a vacation and now it's monday morning and we are back to work (might help to look at it that way).

Is there a way that he can have some transition time afterwards where you could be patient with him, loving and caring and do stuff for him until the feeling passes? I know that is hard, but is it possible to realize he isn't "home" yet some how and think of him as still gone away? Maybe noticing a time that it ends so that you can agree that for the first two hours, or whatever, of being at home he can do whatever he needs to do to adjust back and be on his game again.

For PN, LB and I we made it so that they would limit talking to me for the first hour. I would wander around the house in a daze and in some grief that my "holiday" was over and then slowly notice in my body that I would come out of it in that time. I would look at things with that wierd feeling of having been away, look at them with the wierd feeling and just wait, not force it, but just take it in and walk through it... it got to the point where we would actually laugh about it... PN made comments that I was still at Mono's house (my OH we called it, other home) and I began to see it differently in terms of knowing that I would see Mono soon, spend time with him soon and now was my time to love being with my family... I eventually was back at loving what I love about my family and could carry on being a fully functioning member again in no time.

Still suck at transitions at the best of times though, but that whole phase of our dyanmic really taught me about myself and what I need to get through it more comfortably for everyone. It was then that I actually pointed out that I have struggles with transitions in general... I am grateful to of learned that, because I have been able to work on that within myself since.
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