I'm reading a book (Polyamory by Anthony Ravenscroft). Something he addresses in it, is how easy it is to "set aside" the primary relationship when a time is availble for the second relationship and yet
HOW IMPORTANT IT IS to set aside TIME for romancing the primary relationship no matter what.
He talks about how we get into "living life" and forget the MAINTENANCE part of maintaining our "dependable", "tried and true", long term relationship...
He suggested that creating a "date night" once a week or every other week that is "never broken" but is always DIFFERENT and romantic and "special" for those "older", "already past the NRE stage", "day in day out", living together relationships.
I think it's a good point. We "excuse" each other in live-in relationships for being unavailable because work or health issues.
But, when those issues are slowing down OR when there's a sudden opportunity to see our "new", "long distance", "secondary" or "not live-in" lovers... we're scheduling time for romance like flies on shit.
As well we should be, BUT we should be doing this for ALL of our relationships, not just the one whom we see the least often.
My gut reaction is that THIS is what's triggering the jealousy. It's not that he spent time with her and it was "awesome" or "amazing". It's that you need some "awesome" or "amazing" time with him and you aren't getting it.