View Single Post
  #25  
Old 03-14-2011, 04:59 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,018
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carma View Post
My husband has also narrowed his life down over the years. He counted on me, so much, to be the social director and the one growing and learning, while he just went to work and came home. We realize now that he needs to work on HIM.

. . . It sounds like you are also a very understanding, caring man who loves his wife very much. Do her a favor and give her the BEST gift you could ever, ever give her -- the BEST you, the REAL you. Find him again!
This is what happened to my husband and me. We had turned our life together into a very small, isolated, insular world. Unfortunately, he didn't start therapy or questioning how we went about our marriage until several months after he moved out. I am glad he is getting in touch with himself and discovering what beliefs and patterns drove him to make the decisions he did, but it could possibly have healed our relationship -- whether we stayed together or not -- if he had begun this self-examination process three years ago when he first started thinking of divorce (and did not communicate his feelings to me until he left). He recently told me that he realized he's never had a period in his life in which he wasn't in a long-term relationship and he is totally enjoying being on his own right now for the first time since he was 18 (he is now 52).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Beodude123 View Post
Talking through everything has gotten me to the basis of my fears. For me, it seems codependancy is what is driving my fear of poly.
Beodude, I think I'm developing a crush on you. Seriously, you come across as so likable and genuine, and very willing to look at and work on your issues that I feel honored to observe your process. So, I hope you keep writing - it uplifts others to read your story as much as it benefits you.


Ah, the pain that can happen when we depend on others as the sole source of the "positive strokes" we want to boost up our feelings of self-worth!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Freetime View Post
I'm a very outgoing funny human being but you'd not know it by looking at how I've lived. Time to change that it seems.
Yes, indeed!

.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
Reply With Quote