So yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm codependant. It's kind of always something that's been there, but it never really seemed to be a problem. But now, since I'm not the one-stop-shop for all that is man, I feel threatened by it.
At least knowledge of why I have been reacting the way I have will help me to combat it. It's definitely going to take some time for me to figure it all out, but from what I keep thinking, it's pretty much at the bottom. For all the things I feel, codependancy fits the reason.
The last few weeks I've been super clingy, which wasn't like me. I think that was me just trying to hang onto what I thought I had before... Which isn't fair to Jen, and it's not fair to me.
So now, to let go a bit. Instead of dreading the time she is away, I am working on cherisihing the time we do have. Besides, if I'm scared when she is away, I can't very well enjoy the time we do get together, and I have been feeling that (even though I was kind of putting it out of my head).
It's pretty hard being shaken down to your core. I felt like I had kind of lost sight of myself over the last few weeks. Because of everything that had happened, I think my body just went into self defense mode, and lashed out against it all. After figuring out I'm codependant, I kind of felt like I had gotten a piece of myself back, and felt empowered.
So, today is a new day, and I feel like I'll be able to be a better husband now.