I don't know your background so I can't project whether you will listen to any of this with an open mind or not.
It's important to understand that the desire and curiosity to experience something/someone new is TOTALLY NATURAL ! That's biology. It has nothing to do with ANY other person, nothing to do with this twisted definition of "love" etc. It's biological, and some people experience it at different levels. Also, some people are more successful at suppressing their natural needs/desires than others and deceiving themselves that they are doing something valorous.
Plain & simple.
It's just not how mammals are constructed.
But we have the big brains - right ? So we analyze, over analyze, create all manner of fantastic stories to suit ourselves etc. And we suffer. Needlessly.
I'd suggest for starters getting a copy of Sex at Dawn and giving it a good read. Before you go off condemning yourself or anyone else, get an understanding of biology. Things may fall into place much better from there.
It's all good - hang in there.