@ Ari - I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that can be a tad 'explosive' when it comes to big changes with people. I guess it's a bit different for everyone and some people find it easier to be friends with their exes than others. I was beginning to feel like I was defective for struggling to transition.
@ nycindie - Initially, I understood that he didn't want to come out to his friends giving the timing with he and A's wedding. But it became clear that he had no intentions of ever coming out even to his friends who are all like swinger/pagan/kinky and wouldn't have cared. It's definitely been something I've not liked. Looking back, it's something I wish I'd made a bigger fuss over it.
@ TP - I think many of them didn't know. Our training friends are pretty mainstream, monogamous folk. If they suspected anything, it would have been an affair. His friends may have figured out that we were physically involved but I don't think that anyone knew it went deeper than that.
Things are calming a bit but I'm still a mess. It's been helpful to have some space. I've decided that regardless of his typical Vulcan zen characteristics, that until he can show a shred of sympathy, I don't think we'll be doing much more than coexisting. I mean, the way he's acting, I don't know if he remotely even cares that we broke up. Or if even our relationship really mattered to him? Everyone's entitled to deal with things their own way but it doesn't even look like he's got anything to deal with. He doesn't realize (or maybe just doesn't care) that he often fails to relate to people in an empathetic manner or a way that makes sense to anyone other than himself.