Originally Posted by ray
I did a thread search but didn't find much. So hopefully, I didn't miss some amazing thread with awesome advice.
Summary - O has decided to break up with me. I did not want the relationship to end and am feeling pretty depressed about the whole thing. Basically he doesn't feel like he can be enough time-wise and energy-wise. We have always been friends and we share a lot of the same friends. And I've never really had a break up before, O was my first love. I feel pretty lost.
The question, at large.
What experiences do you have with break-ups in general and particularly where you were good friends prior to dating and shared a social circle? How did you navigate transitioning back to being just friends, if you could? How were breakups when one person had a tough time accepting the end of things? Also, how do people deal with socializing with their former SO and their SO's SO? And any other information or anecdotes you may have on the subject of poly break-ups...
Well... how do you do it...
You just do. If the friendship means that much you have to put in leg work to making it work. You can't trust your instincts here, its almost like you have to re-write the book on how your interactions work.
In general my breakups are explosive as the beginnings of my relationships. I have only experienced keeping them as friends once. I am a big fan of dropping the person and moving on, at least for a time.
My current roomate E... well she was a local friend and we just ended up hooking up. (our love was very accidental.. ) Transitioning from loving someone to being friendly was f-ing hard work. Seeing her flirting and picking up men was one of the hardest things I had witnessed. I still had tinges for months... but the friendship was worth it. She in her own f-ed up way grounds me (she shows me a perspective on women I don't want hahaha). We make better friends than lovers anyways. Her and I would seriously butt heads if we were dating.