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Old 03-11-2011, 04:35 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by PolyNewbie View Post
The other good piece of advice, I thought, is for us, the long-term married couple, to not look at this as an us-and-her relationship, but rather two independent one-to-one relationships in addition to the one we already have. I can see where that might take some mental discipline sometimes, but it's a very valid point and worth keeping in mind.
You can find this detailed on other posts here a lot. Sorry I can't quickly come with a link or reference. Look at stuff Ari has posted - he's outlined it very well.....
There are actually 4 relationships in a triad.

Originally Posted by PolyNewbie View Post
Here's a sort of silly question, but it's going to come up at some point: what do I call her? As in "this is my wife, B, and my _______, T." (Not their real initials.) I mean, my wife is still going to be my wife; that's not going to stop, we made a promise about that 20-odd years ago. Partner? Girlfriend? Polyamorous secondary? (Just kidding about that last one. The whole primary/secondary thing feels wrong here.) Perhaps I should fall back on "ummer," as in "this is my, umm, errr . . ."
If you think this through you'll probably realize that this will vary. Vary depending on the audience and vary depending on the evolution of the relationship at first.

So although as someone mentioned, she will likely have her own preference when you are navigating in a strictly poly circle, in the 'vanilla' world what term you use will be adjusted to fit the audience. Anything from friend, relative (12th cousin), SPECIAL friend......etc

But it will likely also vary as the relationship grows and evolves. Grow from maybe friend, to FWB, to SO, to ASM (additional soul mate).......who knows ! Just hopefully it doesn't become "ex"

Good luck.

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