View Single Post
Old 03-11-2011, 04:44 AM
ray's Avatar
ray ray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 819

LR, that is pretty awesome. I really admire you two being able to make that happen.

I was listening to a polyweekly podcast and the question of how to deal with a metamour that's broken your heart but is still in your life came up. Like you don't really have the option of space to heal because that person is still dating your partner.

So does any one have any experience where they were unable to have space and had to see the person on a regular basis and interact closely?

The issue is that our lives became intertwined. We train at the same martial arts school, he absorbed me into his social life so most of the friends I socialized with outside of martial arts are his friends. We hung out almost every day of the week between training, time alone together, with the three of us and with his friends. Now that things are painful, I am shut out of most of my life. I can't train without him there. I can't socialize much with our mutual training friends without him. I can't go to knitting group without his wife being there. I can't go to any social events his friends have without them being there. I'm torn between a need for space and a desire to live life as I please. He's expressed no sympathy that this was my first relationship/first kiss/first sexual partner and the first time I fell in love. I don't want a medal but if we're ever going to be close friends, I feel like I need him to acknowledge how he pursued me so hard to start this relationship (and I was concerned about the future of our friendship if it didn't work out) how I was scared but he wanted me to trust him. How I was very vulnerable and he was my first lover. Is that reasonable? He seems thinks I'm crazy or melodramatic for being devastated. And this whole thing has slide off him like water on a duck. None of our friends knew that we were together because he wanted it to be a secret so they all just think I'm depressed for no good reason. When I tried to go to an event it was painful watching him be fine, laughing, joking while I could barely muster up a smile or a conversation.
Reply With Quote