Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn
Trust good old me to ask all the stupid questions:
, somehow I haven't noticed your question until now. (Mind you, I have
been off-line for 2 weeks with a cold.)
I have nothing against long-distance relationships (LDRs: I'm learning the lingo). And I did join one dating site (got a friendship out of it, at least). But I have a principle that doesn't go down too well with most users of dating sites: I'd rather be celibate than monogamous. This doesn't mean that I need more than one relationship at a time. It means that the groundrules have to be clear from the start: I DO NOT
restrict her sexual freedom, I DO NOT
accept her restricting mine. For most who aren't already convinced polys, this means one of 2 things:
2) fear of commitment
I don't do casual. Not that I'm morally opposed to it - or even think it might be more natural... and that I might be happier if I did do casual. But I'm an old-fashioned romantic, and I really don't miss the sex
enough to accept sex without love. As I've written earlier, it's the emotional bond and the cuddling I miss more than the sex.
As for that "fear of commitment", I WANT
to commit. I want to commit 100%. Here is this conundrum: Is it possible to commit 100% to each of several people? I think so. I really do believe that there is no limit to Love.
Another factor: I'm a stubborn old goat. I refuse to conform to others' standards... especially
when it would be good politics to do so. Example: I have a wild, straggly (greying) beard. A few of my women friends have said: "But, J, you'd look so
much younger and more attractive if you'd just shave your beard off!"
My unreasonable reply: "Anyone who needs to see me beardless to notice my worth as a person doesn't interest me as a possible girlfriend."