View Single Post
Old 03-11-2011, 01:33 AM
MrFarFromRight's Avatar
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Trust good old me to ask all the stupid questions:

online dating/long-distance?
Sorry, BlackUnicorn, somehow I haven't noticed your question until now. (Mind you, I have been off-line for 2 weeks with a cold.)
I have nothing against long-distance relationships (LDRs: I'm learning the lingo). And I did join one dating site (got a friendship out of it, at least). But I have a principle that doesn't go down too well with most users of dating sites: I'd rather be celibate than monogamous. This doesn't mean that I need more than one relationship at a time. It means that the groundrules have to be clear from the start: I DO NOT restrict her sexual freedom, I DO NOT accept her restricting mine. For most who aren't already convinced polys, this means one of 2 things:
1) casual
2) fear of commitment

I don't do casual. Not that I'm morally opposed to it - or even think it might be more natural... and that I might be happier if I did do casual. But I'm an old-fashioned romantic, and I really don't miss the sex enough to accept sex without love. As I've written earlier, it's the emotional bond and the cuddling I miss more than the sex.

As for that "fear of commitment", I WANT to commit. I want to commit 100%. Here is this conundrum: Is it possible to commit 100% to each of several people? I think so. I really do believe that there is no limit to Love.

Another factor: I'm a stubborn old goat. I refuse to conform to others' standards... especially when it would be good politics to do so. Example: I have a wild, straggly (greying) beard. A few of my women friends have said: "But, J, you'd look so much younger and more attractive if you'd just shave your beard off!"
My unreasonable reply: "Anyone who needs to see me beardless to notice my worth as a person doesn't interest me as a possible girlfriend."
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
Reply With Quote