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Old 03-10-2011, 08:21 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Well, there's a separate section for Spirituality, which I rarely visit myself, but I notice it only has 30 threads. However, I am sure the people who participate in that section are grateful to have a dedicated space for discussions of that type. I think people well-versed in BDSM might appreciate a dedicated area, too.

Yes, BDSM comes up a lot here, in waves sometimes, but a lot, I think. There are people who are in that lifestyle who come here looking for answers on making poly & BDSM work together and it seems that the info they need is very specific to the BDSM dynamic with which they engage. I have found myself contributing to threads like that, just replying on the basis of what I know about regular relationships -- and then other members who are familiar with or actively involved with BDSM contribute, but their responses are completely different from what I would expect, because they are usually addressing dominance and submission or humiliation dynamics, which are definitely not what someone in a "non-BDSM" partnership would need or want to hear. It's a little frustrating to think that I understand what someone is going through, only to learn that it's about a role they've taken on in a dynamic I know nothing about. I would think that with my experience in relationships and dating, and the numerous relationship workshops I've participated in since the 80s, I could contribute or relate to it -- but I can't because it's so specific.

Although I have come to be more accepting about it, I must admit that in the beginning of my coming here, all the BDSM talk here really turned me off and almost made me want to stop visiting. I absolutely hated reading a thread with the expectation that someone wanted to know about how to handle a relationship, and so on, to find out that it was all about "power exchanges" and some aspect of BDSM that the poster had going on, which completely made it impossible for me to understand or relate to. It's a different world, so to speak. And though there are some kinky things that appeal to me in the bedroom, BDSM does seem to require a certain accumulation of specific knowledge. Personally, I tried and will continue to learn more about it, but I doubt very much I will ever get into that kind of play or be able to offer any insight to anyone about that kind of relationship. I don't want a new section just for my satisfaction, though. I know there are other members not into BDSM at all, who may perhaps feel comfortable contributing if they knew BDSM was contained, so to speak, and they could investigate it when they wanted to read about it, rather than having it pop up all over the place.

Fortunately, I found so much here that is valuable, so I stayed. But I think there are people out there who want to learn about polyamory who may not be able to get past the BDSM talk that pops up so often in the General Discussion and New to Poly areas. For some people it's really kinky to have sex with the lights on, so imagine them investigating poly -- which would be a total turn-around in and of itself -- and seeing someone say they are "researching poly for their Master" (as an example) could be too far out there for them, and they might not come back here and get answers out there that could help them with polyamory.

I have seen other poly-focused boards with a section for BDSM. I just think it would make this site have broader appeal to new people. I'll be fine if a new section for it doesn't happen, but would like it to be given serious consideration. Thanks!
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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