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Old 03-10-2011, 05:07 PM
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River River is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 1,897

Originally Posted by Freetime View Post
And that Ladies and Gentlemen is the rub. Her Emotional excitement, willingness to experiment and joyfulness is focused on and about someone other then me. I'm glad for her. Happy to see her like this but damn near close to tears that it is no longer me.
When my VLTB (very long term boyfriend [almost 15 years]) and I had our first brush with polyamory, the result was opposite to what most folks would expect. He and I became closer. And I mean more intimate, more loving, more joyful... with one another. He had fallen in love with another guy, and I let him know that that was a Good Thing, and that I wasn't afraid of it at all. This was something I welcomed. That relationship was brief, as was my own first brush, but we learned and grew in it.

What I don't know is why this sort of magic isn't happening with you and your gal. Why isn't the crocus blooming in all of the spring hearts involved here? And the only way to begin to examine that question is to do so. So more of the story needs telling.

That being said, a lot of us mere humans get very excited about NOVELTY. We're perhaps wired for it -- I don't know. But I must admit to being the sort of guy who doesn't have the same drink each day and sit in the same chair in the same cafe.... I'd die of boredom! Give me a drink I've never had before, and if it's tasty, I'll light up. I'll get excited. Same goes for new kisses! I love them! I'm human.

Some people, though, do happily walk into the same cafe every morning and they are automatically brought their familiar, routine cappacino. They sit in the same chair and face the same direction and talk with the same people.... And they're HAPPY about it.

Myself? I need BOTH. I need routine, the comfort and security of the familiar..., all of that. My partner Kevin is ALWAYS there for (and usually--physically--with) me. It's not always terribly exciting, since there isn't a lot of novelty, but I love him. On the other hand, last time I had a pretty exciting time with yet another guy, that guy wasn't there for me.
He only seemed to be there, for a while. Long enough that I got more attached than was good for me. Kevin was there for me through those tears.

He was there.
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