View Single Post
Old 03-10-2011, 04:07 PM
PolyNewbie's Avatar
PolyNewbie PolyNewbie is offline
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
It's a learning (and UNlearning) experience. Mistakes are going to be made.
That's probably the best piece of advice so far. Thanks for pointing that out. We're all brand-new to this; none of us has ever been in a relationship before that involved more than two people. So with the best will in the world, somebody is probably going to do something that makes someone else feel bad. So we need to establish a base understanding that we really all do want this to work and try to treat the mistakes as learning opportunities.

The other good piece of advice, I thought, is for us, the long-term married couple, to not look at this as an us-and-her relationship, but rather two independent one-to-one relationships in addition to the one we already have. I can see where that might take some mental discipline sometimes, but it's a very valid point and worth keeping in mind.

It's a grand adventure, that's for sure. Like I said before, neither my wife nor I was looking for this. If you'd asked us, say, a year ago whether we wanted a long-term, committed triad relationship with another woman, we'd have laughed and said no, that's not really the sort of thing we'd be interested in. We're still not interested in it as a general proposition; just with this one particular person.

Here's a sort of silly question, but it's going to come up at some point: what do I call her? As in "this is my wife, B, and my _______, T." (Not their real initials.) I mean, my wife is still going to be my wife; that's not going to stop, we made a promise about that 20-odd years ago. Partner? Girlfriend? Polyamorous secondary? (Just kidding about that last one. The whole primary/secondary thing feels wrong here.) Perhaps I should fall back on "ummer," as in "this is my, umm, errr . . ."
Reply With Quote