Thread: I hate it!!
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Old 03-10-2011, 03:02 AM
bluevictoria bluevictoria is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4
Default as promised

I appreciate the comments and suggestions, Here are some of the details of my situation.

I'm a 51 yo woman, never married. I had been celibate for over 8 years due to chronic pain issues that made me a little crazy. I started getting some pain relief from a new treatment at the same time that my hormones started going crazy from perimenopause. My libido came back with a vengence. I would be so horny that it was painful.

I live in a rural area where most of the people are very sports oriented. I've gained weight (about 50 lbs) from inactivity due to my knee and back. Men did not see me....I was an invisible woman. So I turned to the internet to find a sex partner last year. I was not looking for a relationship...I was looking for a "fuck-buddy". I had no luck with my initial ad because the men would take one look at my statistics or photo and not be interested. For what it's worth, I'm still a beautiful woman even with the extra weight. Men looking for sex want young and thin partners here. And the few that didn't mind my age or weight wanted someone with no body hair anywhere. Somehow, while I was sitting home for 8 years, pubic hair had become unacceptable...what is up with that? That is one thing I will not do so no luck finding a partner with a straightforward ad.

I placed an ad asking if anyone liked older, thick and hairy women. I got tons of responses, including from K. I liked his humor, as he liked mine and we arranged to meet for lunch. We hit it off right away and became lovers. He told me he was a single dad....his wife had died in a car accident 5 years earlier and he was raising his daughter on his own. He told me his daughter was jealous of women so he couldn't bring anyone home. He told me his nanny was jealous of other women because she wanted to be the mommy but he wasn't in a relationship with her. So we snuck around and had the best sex either of us had ever had. I had been to his house several times and it seemed to me that there was no woman living art on the walls, only his clothes in his closet, no decorations in the kitchen, etc. I'm not the snooping type so I never went looking where I wasn't me trusting, call me naive, call me willfully blind.

This went on for 5 months when he stopped returning my emails and calls. I was obssessed/addicted to him at this point. I cried and grieved and finally starting moving on, dating other men. I found a new sex partner that was OK but no one will ever move me like K does.

A few months later, out of the blue, K contacts me and wants to see me. I was pretty angry about how he treated me but I accepted his lies and let him back in. The next day I get a phone call from some woman accusing me of fucking her husband. It's a good thing I was sitting down because I could not have been more stunned. Anyways, C proceeded to tell me that she was married to K and blah blah blah. She wanted me to just walk away and not contact K again. I gave her the benefit of doubt and told her that even though I had a very hard time believing her, that if it was true then I was sorry and would stay out of their lives. We talked for about 20 minutes and it ended with me wishing her luck. I immediately called K to see what was going on. He did not answer my calls or emails. I was DEVASTATED. I was so hurt I could hardly breathe. My friends helped me get through it, then a few weeks later he contacts me.

He tells me he's sorry about C and that she has fallen in love with him and did not react well when she realized he was seeing me again.

Anyways, we start seeing each other again...we can't seem to stay away from each other. Finally, the truth comes out slowly. He is in a relationship with her but he considers her to be a "fuck-buddy" even though she considers him to be HER man. Almost everything C told me in her phone call was a lie, including that he gave her an STD. So I took myself to the doc to get tested, costing me $144 because my insurance didn't cover it for nothing.

So then they want to have a 3-way with me. I say yes because I'd always been curious about that and I wanted to make K happy. The first 2 times it was OK because of the novelty. I soon realized that I am NOT bi-sexual and that I wan't enjoying C being involved. I've told K many times but he says it's the only way for us to be together. So I tried to be poly in that I tried to accept C as a part of my relationship with K. I can't do it anymore.

None of us are really happy but I can't seem to say goodbye. I am self-aware enough to know I am addicted and will never be happy with this situation. I am not, however, strong enough to say goodbye to this man.

Tomorrow I will tell him that I will no longer be involved with C. I don't even want to be her friend...if I had met her in a different situation, I never would have become friends with her. Just now I got an email from her inviting me to have a sex with them....she told me how much she loves it and how much she likes me.

I know I'm weak and self-destructive and self-indulgent. I think I justify my behavior to myself by saying that I was alone for so long that I deserve what happiness I can have with this man who absolutely rocks my world. I've met his daughter and we really hit it off but I see that he and P (the daughter) NEED C. She was there for them throughout the whole ordeal...she was the nanny before the wife died. She gave up her life to take care of K and P. She fully expects to be his woman. He has told me that if she left because of me, that P would be hurt too much. I agree. I see that they really do need her so it is up to me to step away.

I've tried, but I can't seem to say no to him when he begs me to come back. I don't know if what we feel for each other is real love, but I know that it is powerful and real.

So there is my story......

Last edited by bluevictoria; 03-10-2011 at 03:46 AM. Reason: Said mean things...trying to be a kinder person
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