Originally Posted by Vivien
My partner A and I have been together for nine years; polyamory was one of the starting conditions of our relationship, and though she has been open to having another partner, she's only recently gotten involved with someone else (I'll call her C) for the first time. I've had other relationships and am currently involved with A and another lover, B, who is important to both of us. That's the background.
Here's the weirdness: I find A's new relationship with C somewhat disquieting. I was prepared for the possibility that I'd feel jealous, but I don't. I just feel... unhappy. I can't figure out why, or even exactly what I'm feeling. I've ruled out some things: I've tried to examine my feelings as honestly and objectively as possible, and I really don't think what I'm feeling is jealousy or envy. I don't feel neglected by A. I don't know C well, but I like her so far, and I feel genuinely happy and excited for A. I am happy in my relationships with A and B. I don't feel unhappy when A is with C. I enjoy the time when she's out and usually find something fun or productive to do. Soooo.... what is this feeling I'm having? And why?
A has been so very generous and warm toward my girlfriend. I want to be as generous as she has been, but I really can't right now. I'm disappointed in myself. Am I more afraid of change than I realized?!
Can anybody identify? What was it you felt - if it wasn't jealousy - and how did you handle it, and how was it resolved?
Are you feeling apathetic?
We worry a lot about feelings in poly. But you aren't feeling anything... bad. You seem to be dealing and you are trying to understand. But really, maybe you are just feeling normal... I wouldn't hunt for emotions if you aren't feeling them.