I don't think i'm asexual, i did wonder for a while but its not that i dont desire sex, or indeed people i'm attracted to.
When i was a teenager i remember everyone making a big deal out it and then when i slept with my boyfriend i was like what is the big deal? it wasn't that pleasent and mostly i was just bored. maybe we were doing it wrong :P
but aside from that i have ocd tendancies and i am very paranoid about losing control, doing something wrong or appearing stupid etc. it affects my entire life, i hate going someone new by myself, or doing something unfamiliar, i don't like not knowing whats happening/why, i'm always incredibly concious of the way i appear and act. change is hard and i dont cope with it very well...
for some reason i find it even harder with men, i think its because they are bigger and stronger and i know they could take the control away forcibly.
i honestly have no idea why im like this :S
mmm exactly, in principle i have no issue with having sex with someone i dont know or love. i dont equate sex with loving someone. but actually being intimate does require trust.
the issue is not that i dont desire someone, it's more that the desire isnt strong enough to be worth going through the uncomfortableness of following through on it...
the issue with being up front is that it also require trust xd i've tried being honest before and finding the words is hard, espcially when so often people simply don't understand...