i definately agree with the possibility of a midlife crisis. however how does one navigate that? you can't just tell someone they're having one. just like teenagers, if you tell them what it is, and how to get through it, it only pushes them deeper in. if it is a midlife crisis, he will come out of it. the question is just will it be in time?
i agree whole heartedly that this is not the time to bring a child in, hers or mine, when we don't really know what we're doing. and i like her, and i want to trust her but i had already thought all the things you all are suggesting. i just don't know what feelings to trust.
i am going to take the most obvious advice though. i'm going to talk to my husband and tell him i feel they are moving too quickly. too quickly for me, and too quickly for them. i am also going to say that i think they should hold off on trying for kids until we've lived together. at least then we have an idea of what's going on. even if it doesn't work out so well for me. and as much as i want to be the one to have his kids, i am not getting pregnant in this situation. it's just not healthy for anyone.
thanks again for all your honest replies.
oh also, SNeacail, he does know that i want babies too, but i think he's having trouble trusting that considering the timing. and i get that. all i can do is be consistant and hope he can see it.