I feel awful that I've just hurt the person who is the most dear to me through acting foolishly. I am realizing that I have actually "cheated", even though I thought for some stupid reason we were more or less in an open relationship. A terrible misunderstanding and I feel so guilty about appearantly breaking my promise of telling before.. I remember reading in an open relationship guide book (more for open relationships) that it's difficult to say you will tell each other beforehand, because sometimes when you have a very romantic evening with someone you have to call it off to check with your SO. But I guess that was the tacitly understood deal, that I didn't feel the boundaries so well because he is away and I just filled in the blanks...
I cannot reach him now, but I will visit him soon. I hope so much I can make amends.. Cheating hurts a lot and I didn't mean to cheat.. I feel so stupid!