Thank you a lot forthe replies. I really have a lot to learn and am willing to do so. I did have a choice in sleeping with this friend whom I have known for seven year but on a platonic level. The thing that pushed me to make that decision was that I had somehow interpreted our agreement to be that we were allowed to sleep with others.. This was a misunderstanding and I see now it was a foolish decision. Shortterm pleasure does not stand against the relationship I have with my boyfriend. I just wanted to believe that he would be ok with it and actually did, but the mind can be misleading? Our agreement was not clear enough and I took signs that he gave me like saying ' I will love you whatever you do, wherever you are' literal and stretched our agreement jb my mind. But you are right FlameKat it's not a very fair one! I
It is all a very recent thing and I know I acted rash and impulsively. I allowed my body to call the shots and let my mind find philosophies and parts of the agreement that would make following the wish of my body for intimacy and closeness. Foolish, because sex changes everything. I am a Taoist and have read alot about it, I enjoy other perspectives on sexuality and definitions of faithfulness. In this way I might make up a philosophy that allows me 'to act like an animal', but I dislike suppressing my sexual feelings. I really honestly want to learn how to be 'an ethical slut' and how to treat my boyfriends feelings with respect. With all the traveling we are both doing separately in this period of our lives, I believed being more open to others would not hurt. I am leaving for more than half a year to the other side of the world soon. Sigh.
Especially when he is not with me, then I have this need. in our relationship I have more sexual desire than him. Maybe that explains why I am feel more need to be intimate when we are not together.
I thought I was honest and committed, that was the problem. I defintaly should read up on what you have suggested, hopefully me and my boyfriend can find a way to moe it work.