Maybe I've painted R a little cold. It wasn't intentional. He and I have been talking for months, even prior to K in our lives, about his life. He's dealt with a lot of shit, as many do. Molestation, abandonment, lifelong lies by his family...things of that nature. As I mentioned in my intro post, he shut himself in his game room for about 3 years after some particularly jarring news from his mother. (one of those lifelong lies) Then we moved, and he began to see a therapist. This therapist opened up a can of worms in my opinion. Then the therapist became...inconsistant. They cancelled an appointment, and lost the schedule of another. R was so put off by this that he quit going. So now here's this can...with worms wriggling all about. And he's trying to do the best he can. But he can't figure out which worms belong out of the can, and which need to be set free altogether. (if that metaphor makes any sense.) He just having hard time figuring out what he really wants.
And I desperately want to stand by his side while he works it out. But I am so scared. I'm terrified that he will discover what he needs is something I can't provide, or worse, something I can provide, but he just doesn't see it in me. And then I wonder, should I bow out? Should I step aside and let him have a life with K? But then that timer ticks again and I realize it's taken us 12 years to get here. It's just not likely that in 2 months they've gotten past 12 years. So I worry about the NRE and what it's making each of them do.
I think he's just trying to focus on doing what's right for him. And not in a fully selfish way. He wants to be true to what he wants, so that we don't 'do this dance' for another 10 years only to find out what he wanted all along was something else. He doesn't want to waste my time either.
I hope that makes the picture of R a little fuller.