My ex (the father of my first child) has been here all week. He lives on the other side of the continent with his wife. But, as our daughter had her first child a week ago, he's been up visiting.
Just today he said to me, "I don't think many people know exes like us". Meaning, that we harbor no ill will, and we get along.
It wasn't always that way. It took time to let the wounds heal, let the feelings mellow.
I still love him, I'm willing to say that I believe he still loves me as well. I know we certainly both hope the best for each other and try to be supportive of each other and our respective families whenever we can be. But, we took time without being "in touch" with one another to build our individual lives. That time was critical in being able to move on and be able to be the friendly, agreeable people we are with one another today.
He and his wife were on my couch playing with the new baby and hanging out with my 11 year old and 3 year old when I awoke this morning. Second time this week. Very comfortable and serene. But, 19 years ago, no way. My heart was broken and I didn't think it would ever mend. I was devastated by his cheating and the impending break up with a new baby... that was hell. The fact that I got an incurable STD in the process of his cheating, I was SURE that was never going to be forgivable...
It mostly takes time and a willingness to accept that whatever someone has done, that you find painful, it was the "best they could do" for who they are, where they are and what they know in their lives today. That may not be who they are, where they are or what they know tomorrow.