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Old 09-15-2009, 05:36 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
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Default Not unexpected but still annoying me.

So I kew full well as soon as I attended this SM event that Redpepper would get some "attention" from our other poly friends, and of course I was right. I also new that people might view this as me opening up sexually or exploring a less than mono approach to relationships. This was not a sexual event for me nor does it indicate an increase in any openness other than trust in her with respect to what BDSM entails and comfort within myself to have fun in sex positive environments without being a participant in non-monogamous sexual activities.

Redpepper told me she got an e-mail from one of our male poly friends who was there with another female friend of ours. He was very intrigued by this side of Redpepper of course..hint hint. I'm sure people assume I am more relaxed in my own requirement for polyfidelity with respect to other men entering our relationship as well because they saw us with her other Love. We played with an established, respected and loving friend of both her and her husband.

I've come a long way in viewing other's interest in Redppeper as being a tribute to how special she is and not being purposely disrespectful or challenging to what we have. I am using this to learn and grow. My initial response internally was quick, short lived and not rational. I basically through up my hands and said why do I bother, this is just not going to work, we are too different, I don't belong in this environment or with "these" people, I should just reshape now and hold on to our friendship. By "these" people I meant, poly, sex positive and non-monogamous people. There really is no "these" people..there is just people but I can react very severely in the moment. The difference now is that I quickly work through the issues as opposed to perseverating for days LOL!

This has been a reminder of the differences between poly non-monogamous friendly social interaction and monogamous social interaction. There are clear boundaries for mono environments and not so clear boundaries for poly environments. I accept that and am continuing to be more comfortable in that. Is one easier and more enjoyable for me? You bet ya - I love a mono environment where it is hands off plain and simple but that is not where my relationship with Redpepper has taken me and so I am adapting.

Redpepper questioned if she should have mentioned our friends "curiosity" in this different aspect of her. Because his interest is not an issue or desired avenue of exploration for her she wondered if it was worth my reaction. Of course it is!! Poly relationships embrace personal development as all should! If she had of held back I would have been denied an opportunity to learn and ultimately become even more confident in my new social atmosphere. Thanks Baby and keep up the communication!!

In the end this has still been a very positive experience because it has promoted work and self growth. I now get to challenge myself to see if I can still relate to the guy who displayed the interest the same as I did before. I don't want to put up a wall between us because he is a nice guy and a friend. There was no malice in his actions, just curiosity and interest in an amazing and very sexy woman, how do I blame him for that ??

Ahhh the joys of a stepping outside of your norms for the sake of love ….somebody please shoot me…just kidding…
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