@SirLurksAlot- I am surprised by your name as it seems to me that your lurking has not brought up some language for you to use, let alone the understanding that poly is not all triads in a poly-fi situation. Sure, a unicorn in a triad with a couple is the usual sought after poly dream for a new couple coming from a monogamous mind set into poly, but it is by far the usual end result... the end result is quite often a tribe or constellation of people all networking and loving together. Safe sex is crucial as is the honesty that comes with it.
I suggest you do some searching around here... tag search for "triad," "vee," "unicorn." Start your own thread if you have questions or a story to tell... there is much to find of interest on here
@mintygum- I also suggest reading some blogs. Like mine for instance
I have a husband, a live in boyfriend, a girlfriend and another boyfriend... There are plenty of other threads that will give you a ton of info on how people describe their poly and how their lives have morphed and changed over time...
The idea is to let it all go and see where life takes you... some ideas at first are good, some boundaries are good too, but fluidity is so important, as is an open mind. If you expect safety and trust that people in your tribe will be true to what they say then, I believe, you shall create that. If you find that a person isn't being up front, then either they need to change, or they have to be let go...
Getting a name for oneself as being dishonest in poly land means people just won't want to date you or that you will have to move on entirely from the community that you have. I doubt anyone that is close in a poly community or hopes to be would be willing to lie about the safety of their sex life. Of course this speaking from a city with a smaller community. I don't know about elsewhere.
As to possible partners for your man... I agree with nycindie, why not a married woman, a woman with kids already, a woman that is uninterested in children, has a life of her own and possible other partners... This is the usual anyway and a good thing too, you can live the married dream and he can have a woman that also has her dream also. Makes sense to me.