The more I read here, and the more I meet poly people at poly gatherings, the more I have learned that there are all kinds of configurations possible. There can be more than three people in a poly "network" and it can be closed. Safer sex is always an issue, but my point was that there are lots of different options and it will depend on the people involved.
The OP was afraid that a "third" would be watching on the sidelines as someone who can't fully participate in the main relationship. Sure, that happens, but I was just trying to say that you could (and might prefer to) get involved with someone who is more independent and has another person or other people in her life where she wouldn't be that focused on the OP's husband and wanting a larger commitment. If they found someone like that, that person's primary wouldn't necessarily want to be involved with any OSO she has. That's not a given. That is not to say that the OP and her husband would look for a swinger or something open, but there are any number of potential relationship dynamics.
I got the sense that the OP's husband wants a Vee. I'm not sure they want a Triad.
Last edited by nycindie; 03-07-2011 at 05:46 AM.