Thought I'd jump in here and ask a question.
In regards to:
Originally Posted by nycindie
Why do you think your husband's secondary, if she goes along with that kind of hierarchical labeling, wouldn't have other lovers to satisfy her other needs as well? You seem to think in terms of only a woman who lives with you two as a third, but there are all kinds of possibilities and configurations. ... If you did engage in a poly tangle, why would you think her life outside of what she has with you two would be empty and devoid of satisfaction from anything else? Wouldn't you want to be involved with someone who is stable, happy, and NOT co-dependent or focused solely on your relationship as the be-all and end-all?
I'm curious how this would work. I have very little experience in the lifestyle like the OP but I was of the opinion that a closed relationship would be more appealing then an open relationship. The latter would be far to much like a swinging lifestyle, at least on the thirds side. I myself am paranoid about STD and such ilk, not to mention the confusion that could arise if another one of her partners were to get her pregnant, etc.
Wouldn't it be far better and appealing to more people to have a triad, and only a triad? I don't believe the type of person we're after would be looking for a couple and additional relationships on the side. I also don't see how a woman already in a serious relationship could be interested in another couple without the husband/boyfriend wishing to join in as well?
As I said i'm new to the lifestyle and as such haven't had the chance to go to any clubs, meetings, groups, or other organizations and figure out what people are aiming for but I was of the opinion that more people were still interested in fidelity then an open style relationship.
I have also heard that fours are not a strong style of relationship, inevitably the second pair will split off. Is that true? It seems like an ideal fix to the situation would be to have a MFMF group, but according to what I've found via the interwebs it's not as strong.
I would love some comments on this, I realize it's a bit confusing and mixed as I'm a terrible typer and have incredibly mixed thoughts in my head but I hope it's mostly understandable.