View Single Post
Old 03-07-2011, 04:12 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

How close to reality did your hypothetical come.... or rather how horribly off you were?? Any factors you didn't take into account? You said Maca could do things different....different in approach or style or substantially different like having 3-4 partners all at once...or something similar to that.
He's a "chaser" kind of guy, where as I'm not. I've had some sort of relationship with GG for 18 years and I'm not interested in looking for anyone new. Maca... he tends to be more interested in the sexual nature of a relationship, where as I'm more interestd in the bonding, spirituality and permanence of a relationship. That creates the scenario where he would be ok with having a fuck buddy-but I am certainly not. He has a "friend with benefits" and has opened himself to the possibility with other women in different ways.. Just not my thing.
Really, my only two "rules" that "restrict" his actions/behavior in this are the following:
1. protection with all other partners every time AND they and he have to be checked for STD's regularly (I will be as well) or he won't be having sex with me.
2. don't bring your "friends" to meet the kids until they are established as long term parts of your life.

It's ok for him to have temporary lovers, it's not ok to drag them through the kids lives. Now, his FWB has met two of the kids (oldest and youngest) and is certainly free to meet the other two (opportunity hasn't arisen yet). Because they've established that she wants to remain friends forever, regardless of the sexual dynamic.

My wife's clueless on many topic right now....agreed. I think she was saying those things to help me feel better and that's when I got the notion of removing myself from that role.
It's silly for people to use words without truly considering their meaning. I KNOW, it happens all of the time, but it's still silly.
My love for Maca and my love for GG is equally deep and equally strong. There's a WHOLE THREAD on here somewhere that i'm flipping out over GG not wanting to rise to being an equal "primary" with Maca. But, the bottom line is, that THEY are comfortable with GG being secondary to GG and my love needn't change to meet that "standard" nor does that standard need to rise to meet my "love".
Your wife needs to really stop and consider what the hell she wants and what she's going to do to manage it. Because if our actions and our words don't agree, it's our actions we'll be judged on.

I think the word love gets thrown around a lot and it's like the word snow. The Eskimo's have words in the double digit to describe white frozen precipitation. It might be helpful if love had a few more.
I live in Alaska. All I can say is NO SHIT!

The assumption is that "primary" is something to strive for or is more rewarding or something.
That is the assumption, but I think it's a faulty one. I learned that from Mono and GG.

What if in a V you have equal secondary's?
hehe, great question. I don't know-but I think it wouldnt be a bad thing!
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote