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Old 03-07-2011, 03:11 AM
MintyGum MintyGum is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Egad, no one deserves to be rejected because of a couple's whims...
We're just really new to this (if I can decide to do this). I don't want to create a relationship with someone and then dump them because of personal problems. Being dumped hurts and I don't want that to happen, but life is unpredictable. I may dump them both if things turn horribly sour.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Why do you think your husband's secondary, if she goes along with that kind of hierarchical labeling, wouldn't have other lovers to satisfy her other needs as well? You seem to think in terms of only a woman who lives with you two as a third, but there are all kinds of possibilities and configurations.
If you did engage in a poly tangle, why would you think her life outside of what she has with you two would be empty and devoid of satisfaction from anything else? Wouldn't you want to be involved with someone who is stable, happy, and NOT co-dependent or focused solely on your relationship as the be-all and end-all?
I haven't thought that far ahead yet. If that were the case, I wouldn't want a third who is a third to other relationship(s). I'm definitely not comfortable with a lover who has many other lovers. Too much sexual education has told me that sleeping with her means sleeping with everyone she's slept with recently. That widens the pool of potential sexual health issues. I'm more open to a polygamous relationship when she has a boyfriend/husband/family of her own. When she/they is/are stable in life and love before entering our relationship and us theirs.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
And would you only consider someone to be a third who would not also perhaps want children of her own? Would it be strictly forbidden for your husband to father children with someone else, if it was a love relationship and they both wanted it? Can you put such a rule on another woman's womb? And what if he wants to be with someone who already has kids? You don't know who it would be, so would you consider that kind of scenario?
It is strictly forbidden for my husband to father another woman's children. If he loves me, he will respect that decision (one of my more unwavering decisions that no one can convince me otherwise). I've had this discussion with him regarding poly-tangles, pregnancy and child-support, emotionally and financially. My psyche just can't handle that sort of scenario/burden. I would be destroyed if his first child was with a lover and not the love of his life.

All of these responses help, no matter how critical. I have NOBODY to discuss this with who has had experience. I appreciate any and every bit of information I can grab a hold of while reading this board.
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