Thanks Redpepper, I will think seriously about what you have said.
1. My friend's wife does know about our relationship. I don't fully understand what she knew and when she knew it, but my friend encouraged us to meet and talk earlier this year. I am afraid I totally messed up later on by trying to sort out what I thought was a misunderstanding about what had and had not happened in the friendship, and told her things she did not want to know (e.g. we never had intercourse sex, but did... etc.). She no longer wants to have anything to do with me.
2. What you say I should do to my friend, ending the relationship, being strong etc. is more or less what he has done to me. It is very hard because we are colleagues in a reasonably small group, in an occupation where it is very difficult to find work. And, of course, because it feels like everything that makes up the 'just for me' stuff that I love doing is tangled up with him.
My husband currently has a much higher sex drive than me, but says he is not interested in forming relationships with other people, partly because of the time they take (he has a lot of time consuming interests) partly because he does not want me to do the same, but also because he is worried about people being hurt. He hates the idea of me having any kind of sexual relationship with someone else more than ever now my lack of desire for him is clear to him (that makes me feel even more of a heel than being unfaithful). The bizarre thing is that when I did have a physical relationship with my friend, I felt more desire for my husband rather than less.
Truth is, I doubt that I will ever be in a position to have a polyamorous relationship, because he will never agree to it, not even if we agree ahead of time that I will be mono and he poly for a trial period. I would be very, very interested to see how well I could handle that!
Thanks again, I very much appreciate the feedback and the various postings I have read on the site.
Last edited by Ana; 09-15-2009 at 07:10 AM.
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