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Old 03-05-2011, 11:15 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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So the night went really well, 5 hours at a pub, talking and talking.... the place was empty when we got there, a band set up, the place filled, people danced and listened to music, had two breaks, more dancing and music and we kept talking.... completely unaware what was going on.... music ended, band packed up, drunk people all around dispersing and arguing... flirting...

We talked about his work... he is about to lose his job of almost 20 years... he is 35? Going through some mid life stuff for sure... he is a man of routine due to mental health issues and this is huge for him... since our night there has been significant change and stress. I can see my roll will be that of person to vent to and get a boost from ... much emailing going on.

I told him all the details of what happened last time we met and he gave me feed back about appreciating not knowing what was going on until I could give him some positive stuff to go on... he is not in a place to support me emotionally with our situation, so was glad I waited and found solace with other loves and friends.

We laughed and talked about family, pets, friends... caught up on gossip and stories... we are like an old couple, completely natural, no worry about things like food flying out of our mouths, which happened once when I laughed... I wasn't embarrassed, like I might be with other people, just laughed more...

So it seems that he is good with where we are at at the moment. He really isn't able to be in my life in an more capacity than he is already, due to his circumstance. So we are just leaving it and enjoying each others company when we see each other. As he said, we have years and years... our "whatever it is that will not be named" is not going away, just becoming more.... of whatever...

In the meantime I am more in love with Mono by the moment... my committing myself to our lives together has brought about a sense of well being and comfort. I feel myself feeling more confident and more belonging than I have before... to my whole family.

We are all good right now. All of us. Everyone getting their needs met.... It seems, unless someone isn't talking about it.

PN's birthday tonight. Weeeee.... all my loves but one under one roof. I love that.. not to mention a lot of his friends. He chooses amazing people to be in his life. Talented, interesting, diverse and all very different from one another...I love when he decides to have a party...

Off to make tons of food. and a cake. at some point....
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