Originally Posted by Mahogany
She has asked him things...."Who does he love more?" and things along those lines...."Who is he going to choose to be with?" etc.....
He has explained to her that he will not be a part of her household the way she needs and that she needs to date in hopes to find her own primary....but she tells me she cannot do it, because she is mono and her heart is with him
How is her being our metamour alone going to be enough for her???? How is she going to get what she needs????? This bothers me too.
Good morning to you, too! (it's late night in here)
Chances are, she won't get what she needs, your situation will not be enough for her, and she will keep on pestering until your husband either leaves her or leaves you. All the three of you have a major paradigm shift in front of you if you are going to make this work.
For me, poly isn't about me. It's about us. Like an extended family with a twist. It's me, you, my partners, your partners, our partners. Kids and pets go first. Then partners in the order they have been added to the bundle. Old before the new. I could never be in a situation where my metamour couldn't stand me, it would feel as traumatic as fighting with my siblings over the inheritance of our parents. When kids fight over the broken china of their parents, it's not about broken china, it's about who did Mummy and Daddy love the most. This is like your situation with your metamour. Things will only worsen until both of you realize love is measured in quality, not in quantity, and decide if you are okay with that.
It sounds like he loves you and is in love with her. The situation can't be helped. She seems to think that he being in love with her means he no longer loves you, or loves you less than he does her. This is not true, if he truly is poly. Either you weather this bit of NRE out, or you don't. The same goes for her. I'm not mono so I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be for two mono ladies to love a poly man. I can only offer you my deepest sympathy.