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Old 03-05-2011, 08:03 PM
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Mahogany Mahogany is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Atlantic, GA
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This sounds all to parallel to what my husband and I have just went through.....you should read my posts titled, "No Longer Feel Good" and "Stay and Grow, or run for the Hills"....if you want to know my background.

Have you imagined how she must be feeling, you just told her your were having an affair She is going through pain....wow so much pain. I am sure she is angry, hurt, confused, scared. I am sure she is dealing with a roller coaster of emotions I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy.

Ask yourself...."Do you want your marriage?" "Do you want your wife?" "Do you want your family?" these questions are important....

Leaving to be with another woman through betrayal is usually a bad choice....not saying that leaving is, but leave solely for that reason can definitely be bad.

If you are poly....how do you know you won't end up in the same situation with this new person? Plus your judgement of your wife is clouded now....while your wife knew nothing of this other woman, "did the other woman know about your wife?" If she did, then she had an unfair advantage....any woman will put their very best forward in hopes to outshine the wife....but that best foot is not all of who they are....these mistresses have flaws too....you just have yet to see them..... your comparison of your marriage to your relationship with your other may not be genuine and accurate....

Give your wife time....to digest what you have been doing behind her back FIRST.....do talk about what you need, but wow.....she has a lot to go through.

If this other woman can give you a poly relationship, then she will understand and accept regressing for some period of time....

I am in real mourning over the loss of the monogamy me and my husband had. I have been going through this transition (the addition of his mistress) for 7-8 weeks.....my husband has reduced his other relationship to a friendship in order to re-build our connection and foundation for a healthy future in poly....with me as his foundational partner (his primary).....my husband accepts that our re-connect period and growth could mean to loss of his mistress turned metamour.....but he decided that hew wants me to be his primary....his foundation. We both know there will always be a metamour, so I have accepted our poly....

Do you want your wife to be your primary?

Please don't think I am saying he is a saint ), and you aren't (he has made horrible mistakes through our journey.....or take anything I say as negative towards you. I am only trying to help you see my perspective (being on the other side of something very similar).

Do NOT leave your wife on an impulse to keep your other woman.....if you leave it should be about you and her and your relationship by itself. Would you leave if the other woman didn't or hadn't became your lover? That should be your question....


I hope this helps

Last edited by Mahogany; 03-05-2011 at 08:12 PM.
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