Originally Posted by nycindie
But you are a couple, aren't you? You're in two couples, one with DH and one with J. Why does his having said that make him a cowboy? (he may be for other reasons, though)
J is lonely and has no primary. the best I could do for him as a married woman long distance was be there part time and not be available to him full time as needed. He knew this and part of our goal was to find him a primary. As things with DH deteriorated J ramped up his behavior (seeking me out more and more impinging on my time at home, pushing B to the edge with his declarations "N and I are together; at least part time" and "we care about each other") the hot second B left the house, J immediately added all our mutual friends to his skype account.. started talking about coming down here, taking me to the group events we go to as his partner not as B's partner... the instantaneous feeling of "now you are my responsibility and I get to take care of you" was overwhelming.
he immediately contacted (with my knowledge) my best friend and said "well since YOU are local I need you to help me take care of her and make sure she eats enough".... (with my WLS I tend to eat very little and my weight is dropping too low)
his comments to me are "i need to make lists of your friends and family so I can learn them, they are now part of my life too" tells me he just was waiting to have a "real life" with me... not just be on the fringes of my life...
his comment to me about what he did in January the whole spontaneous "get your ass up here saturday night please" statement was "i knew I was going to lose you and I could not risk that, I knew what I was doing" goes along with the comments about "i knew there would be strings attached, there are always strings attached, I knew it from the beginning"... and then he admitted he loved me.... that was because he knew B has always said "i will step aside for him if he ever says he loves you"... he took advantage of B's inability to love himself...