View Single Post
Old 03-05-2011, 06:53 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,718

Originally Posted by disillusioned View Post
I understand that many of you guys feel "special " and more mature than others, and "different ". Then I come along and say "no... you are not different at all ". I understand why this would make you to not like me...

You are special because you were strong enough to see thru the lies. Now be strong enough to realize that you are NOT special in that we were all born non monogamous, and that this is all pure biology and nothing else... and that being poly is a RESULT of this non monogamous nature.
Originally Posted by disillusioned View Post
I have an advanced degree in the social sciences (but I'm not American as you can tell) so I look at things in an academic and scientific way. I had articles published in my field and won awards for some of the things I wrote. We are just looking at things from a different perspective, you talk about the everyday experiences that people have here, I talk about the nature of our race.
Originally Posted by disillusioned View Post
OK, I must remind myself how emotional and irrational people are, and move on.... thanks
Soooo, what you are saying is that we are all not special or different, yet our monogamous culture would say we are, yet no one is because we are all non monogamous?

And because of your education (not life education by the sounds of it... academic) we have not realized this and should begin a regimented assault on our culture of monogamy and stage a take over?

Why? Because you think your academics wins out over real life experiences of the emotional and irrational... (not seeing the irrational here, but whatever... your statement)? Because monogamoists are wrong and Polyamorists are right simply because a book says that history says so? And you too of course?

Is this correct? I don't mean to sound sarcastic, I am simply taking the words that you have used and am attempting to understand.

In my personal opinion, academic and scientific study is all very well, but has just as much clout as real life experience and the study of culture by being in it and participating in it respectfully. Something that seems to be missing in your posts OP. What is your experience with poly and open/casual relationships and sex?

We are all no more different or special than the next person. No one comes out on top. People have a need to belong, be encouraged, find wisdom in others and learn from that.... that is what happens on this forum and is what has made it successful thus far.

I find when people approach a topic in such a way as to appear arrogant and condescending and therefore lack respect for others....that I don't want to feel a sense of belonging with them (poly belonging, existing on this planet at this time belonging, living in this culture belonging), nor am I interested in their wisdom regardless of what they tell me their education is (we don't even know what course of study you are in.... could be Spanish or something), not to mention I lose the ability to look for the nuggets of wisdom in what they say. I just don't want to engage them at all and toodle off to find someone that does want to "discuss" rather than "brow beat" as someone said.

Please encourage me to be patient and engaging by taking another approach to this valid topic. Your opinion is valid OP, just not your presentation of it. Perhaps a debate with some respect for others and their experience and education would be better received?

Originally Posted by Penny View Post
Sex at Dawn focuses on our polyamorous natures, but it also demonstrates that humans evolved to have a mixed reproductive strategy. This does not exclude monogamy as a viable option. Certainly we were meant to be much more egalitarian in our sexual practices, and certainly polyamory is natural, but you cannot tell a person who feels, even after deep self-reflection and contemplation, that monogamy is a better fit for them that they are wrong.
Thank you Penny, this was my understanding of the book from people I am friends with here in my town that met the author this past fall at a conference.

The author presented an idea based on his research findings from what I understand. Interesting, but by far not the whole story... what is most interesting is that his book is likely the tip of the iceberg where this course of study is concerned. What made it history, it seems, is that it opened the door to more and more exploration on sexuality and orientation. It is moving our culture of monogamy to think differently about where monogamy came from and why. That is a good thing. I believe it is always a good thing to challenge oneself and others. I love that this book is doing that and comes up over again for me in different contexts and arenas throughout my life.

My brother has a doctorate in biology. He is a behaviourist. I am a therapist by trade.... We have had some very interesting discussions on the difference between animal behaviour and human behaviour as a result.

He is monogamous with his partner and I am as poly as they come. He and I could talk for hours and debate our positions... he has been completely confused as to "why?" I would be this way where he isn't ... he is finding it easier to accept and even embrace by thinking of me and other poly people in terms of study. In nature animals are quite often on the same continuum of the scale between monogamy and casual sex or poly, depending on how one wants to look at it. My brothers coping mechanism for understanding is to view me as being on that scale that all creatures are on... *shrug* what ever works for him... its a work in progress this topic we discuss... he is convinced, with the help of his partner and mono friends, that my husband and I will break up over this. There seems to be no interest in the possibility that I might break up with my other partners that have equal value to me and my life.

What he doesn't get is that "this" has always been for us for 13 years we have been together... and that "this" is the best it has ever been... there is nothing to do but live my life as an example and let time pass. And, keep discussing.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote