Originally Posted by poobah123
What happens when one day we are alone and we can't control our feelings? Will we do something we regret? or maybe don't. or do I push this more with my wife and risk losing her?
Oh geez. It's called self-control. Though you may not be able to control your feelings, you can
monitor them and rein them in. You absolutely
can control your behavior. Don't use feelings as an excuse to make poor decisions in your actions. Why do guys always think they're going to be at the mercy of their dicks? If you can use thoughts and imagery to get off, you can do the same to keep it in your pants.
It seems you're feeling sorry for yourself now because you can't have your way. Honor the relationship and commitment you have with your wife, keep communicating, and go slowly here. It may very well be that you will have to let go of this other woman, in order for your relationship with your wife to heal and become stronger, or strong enough to embrace a poly situation. Just don't be disrespectful of what you already have.
If you're afraid of breaking up the other woman's marriage, I take that to mean that she was also emotionally cheating on her husband and he is not approving of her being polyamorous either? Or has she even told him? There're a lot of factors here that need consideration, too many potential broken hearts, and none of this can be taken lightly nor handled without thought and caring.